Yes, a mediator can help a couple who is trying to stay together. Divorce converstaions can be difficult. You may often avoid conversations or have a hard time bringing up the topics that will most help you and your spouse move forward.The mediators at OvalOptions can help you and your spouse have these conversations in a focused and productive way. One of our Denver mediators will help you find the way to say what you want to say in a way that the other person can understand. The service we provide is helping you have a focused, productive conversation in a neutral location.
Denver Construction Mediation Getting Past Go
GETTING PAST GO
Abstract
Regardless of your endeavor—mining, oil and gas, water, housing, roads, lumbering, raising llamas or raising cane, you most likely cannot get past go until all real and perceived stakeholders are happy. You may have acquired all the requisite permits, licenses and bonds, but the local municipal or county regulator bolstered by NIMBY minions can cause you interminable and costly delays. One of the cards you can play is the ADR or Alternative Dispute Resolution card; preferably viewed as collaborative problem solving. Employing one or more of ADR tools early-on in your proposed project will save considerable time and money as you approach GO. Most applicable of these tools are facilitated collaborative processes and mediation. For those familiar with “partnering”, collaborative processes may be viewed as similar.
The WhyBefore talking about collaborative processes, I believe it is helpful to understand why we consider using these processes. There has always been a gap between science and the public perception of risks and hazards. As a result, what we normally see when we attempt to have a community meeting is anger and conflict. Anger we are told is a normal human emotion that can vary from mild irritation –someone cuts in front of you at the checkout line—to violent rage such as we read about regarding “road rage” or “going postal”. Anger is considered a secondary emotion because something usually precedes anger. It may be called a trigger, such as fear or fear connected with need. Consider your reaction when your teenager does not return home at the agreed upon hour. You pace the floor, check your watch for the umpteenth time, drink your fourth cup of coffee, etc. When the teenager finally does arrive home, what is your reaction? Chances are you shout, rant and rave about being irresponsible, carry-on about privileges that will be denied, perhaps say things you regret the next morning. What really occurred was your fear that something had happened and your need to know they were ok. Psychologists tell us that anger, being an emotion, is something we can control. Unfortunately, we often do not do so. The WhatConflict, often confused with anger, is something altogether different. Conflict is defined as “…an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.” (Wilmot & Hocker, 2001). There are a few operative words in this definition. They are interdependent, perceive and incompatible. Unless there is a dependency between two or more parties, e.g. spouses, or, co-workers on the same project, there really is not a conflict per se. You may have a disagreement with a governmental agency with respect to some issue that prevents you from getting a permit, but you are not in “conflict” with the general public that simply opposes your project. This does not mean they have no influence on whether you get to proceed, and that you do not need to deal with them. It may seem a matter of semantics as to how these confrontations are labeled, but theoretically you are not in conflict but simply in disagreement as to how something is done or not. (For purposes of this paper, I will use the word conflict to denote any differences between parties.) We often hear that perception is reality. This is no where more true than in situations where a risk or hazard is perceived to exist in association with some activity. All the scientific data and professional opinions will not change people’s perception. As a result, what is perceived is often the root of conflict. Incompatible is also at the root of many conflicts. Minerals mined are needed in the products desired by most people. How those minerals get to be incorporated in those products is incompatible with those desires. The Cause Another aspect that needs some clarification is the question of what causes conflict. It may be enough to say interdependence, perception and incompatible goals; but is it? Theories abound as to the causes of conflict. I attribute two factors that are interrelated; cultural differences and generational differences. Cultural differences are more prevalent than we often acknowledge. Cultural differences are usually known and acknowledged when doing a project in a foreign country, but rarely acknowledged in the US. In areas of the US where minerals are known to exist, but have yet to be mined there are a number of cultural differences. Historically the land may have been used for ranching, and now is surrounded or partially owned by city dwellers that recently purchased their piece of paradise. Throw environmentalist (although we should probably qualify that term) recreationalist, true ranchers, merchants, regulators, and personnel from various agencies into the mix and we have a cultural cauldron. (Actually, this same mix occurs in foreign lands as well).Generational differences occur within all of these cultural pots. Demographers break us down by generations into traditionalists, boomers, xers, millenials, etc. (Lancaster & Stillman, 2002). These generational differences mixed with the cultural differences further feed the conflict cauldron. Christian Daughton (2004) posits that “Communities with a high social/cultural diversity face the greatest challenges in agreeing on what constitutes hazard.” The Solution So what is the solution to initiating and sustaining a project with minimal conflict? My biased answer is to initiate a collaborative process early-on. Most folks do not care what you are about until they feel they have been heard. Unfortunately, all too often so-called community meetings consist of the suits getting upfront and talking about how great and wonderful their project is and how the parade of experts have done everything humanly possible to insure an environmentally safe and efficient operation. The floor is then opened for attendees to express their concerns in three minutes or less. There is little to no dialogue, no exchange of ideas and thus no buy-in by the public. In most instances they go away madder than when they arrived. Daughton (2004) makes several good points when writing about communication with the public regarding water reuse and groundwater recharge. A few of these are worth noting as I believe they apply to most projects, and beg for the use of a collaborative process.
- “…advancement of knowledge regarding contentious issues laced with perceived risk often will not assuage the concerns of the public –but exacerbate their concerns.”
- “Regardless of how sound the science may be, its influence on perception of risk may be minimal.”
- “In large part, it is irrelevant that perceptions do not necessarily correlate with reality.”
The ProcessesOk, so what about these collaborative processes? Facilitated collaborative process sessions enable you to identify and deal with NIMBYs and other concerned citizens early in your planning. They are processes that enable all stakeholders to vent and have a part in the project. It enables you, the project proponent, to know what issues may become road blocks that you can prepare for in advance. Most roadblock issues are most always those unanticipated. Facilitated processes are conducted by a third party neutral or neutrals depending upon the needs of issues being addressed. Facilitated processes are collaborative processes that have some commonalities, namely that all stakeholders and persons with an interest be involved in the process, and that there is commitment and support from all involved. For this reason, facilitated processes are generally utilized when major projects are being planned that require buy-in by a number of different governmental agencies across jurisdictional, and geographic boundaries. In the mix are the general public and the many special interests groups. Collaborative processes have been championed by such organizations as the National Policy Consensus Center, the US Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) and UNESCO. Three facilitated processes are briefly described here as examples of what can be employed. These are collaborative problem solving, shared vision, and future search. Collaborative Problem SolvingCollaborative problem solving (CPS) was promoted by the National Policy Consensus Center (NPCC) at a colloquium in 2002 specifically to address watershed management issues (NPCC, 2002). They noted that there are some 3000 multi-stakeholder watershed groups in the US. Most of these groups were formed to address some legal, regulatory or policy gridlock within the watershed. There are numerous reasons for consideration of using CPS. These include reduction in costs, building goodwill, time, and establishment of future working relationships. Additionally, CPS can help leverage scarce resources, promote innovation, integrate economic, environmental, and community objectives that produce benefits to all parties involved. CPS has been used in a variety of complex issues associated with water resources. These include agricultural runoff and development in Montana’s Big Spring Creek, fire protection issues in Santa Fe, NM, habitat protection in Oregon, flood flow issues in Arlington, Texas, and the usual plethora of issues typically associated with divergent needs and interests within a watershed. Shared Vision PlanningPerhaps one of the more involved collaborative processes is the shared vision planning process (SVP). It is noteworthy in that it was implemented within the Niger River Basin of Africa (Andersen, Dione, Holder, Olivry, 2005). A vision for sustainable management was able to be realized among nine countries within the Basin. The geographic, geologic, topographic, climatic, and political differences could not be more complex. These nations were able to come together to forge a plan and an on-going Sustainable Development Action Program (SDAP). Naturally its continued success will depend upon the commitment of the heads of state and the various stakeholders within these countries.The SVP process has also been addressed by the USACE. They have proposed the following seven steps to the process:1. Team development2. Planning objectives3. Defining the status quo/baseline conditions4. Shared vision models5. Performance measures6. Formulating alternatives, and7. Evaluating and selecting alternatives. It should be recognized that even though a seven step approach has been suggested by USACE, there is no cookie-cutter process to SVP. Like any process involving divergent interests, a plan will evolve based upon the assemblage of parties involved. Future Search ConferenceFuture search conference (FSC) is also a planning process as well as a problem solving process. It is a collaborative planning method that takes a “whole system” approach. As with other collaborative processes, it requires including everyone needed to make change happen. There is most definitely a need for commitment upon the part of stakeholders to achieve measureable goals. Typically, an FSC can be accomplished within two and a half days following one or more planning meetings. The planning meeting or meetings consist of a steering committee of key people that can get everyone else to a meeting. This group may be the sponsors of the conference or be knowledgeable with identifying and bringing together the diverse entities needed. The objective of FSC is to assist diverse groups of stakeholders to find common ground.FSC was successfully utilized to resolve issues with regard to water quality on the Upper Colorado River Basin (Weisbord, et al. 1992). In 1990, a water quality plan that could be periodically updated was required by the state of Colorado. After meetings with the regional planning agency responsible for a state water quality plan, 48 stakeholders were assembled in Winter Park, CO to dialogue, discover, and learn to find common ground. It must be emphasized that in all the various processes for problem solving, the facilitator’s role is primarily to keep the group whole and working together. The facilitator is not a decision maker. Individuals or groups in conflict typically come to mediation or a facilitated meeting primarily to check where their adversary is coming from, and to prepare their positions. Many others view these processes as “touchy-feely” or just a waste of time. Facilitators must therefore keep parties on task, not to fix problems, but to create a safe environment where all can realize their differences and still integrate their capabilities for a common purpose. Mediation is a process often incorporated in agreements made as a result of one of the facilitated processes. It allows disputing entities a means to resolve their concerns in a safe and controlled environment. Conflict is inevitable, litigation is not. You can avoid the high costs and delays of litigation and resulting costs and delays to your project by engaging in mediated settlements. These can be as binding as a litigated settlement, and are often transforming in regard to the subsequent working relationships. The time and costs of using these tools will be considerably less than the unanticipated costs of delays precipitated by an irate citizen or group of citizens with respect to an activity you thought was of little consequence. As an old commercial went, “pay now or pay later”.
REFERENCES
Andersen, Inger, et al, (2005). The Niger Basin. A vision for sustainable management. The World Bank, Washington, DC. Daughton, C. G. (2004). Ground Water Recharge and Chemical Contaminants: Challenges in Communicating the Connections and Collisions of Two Disparate Worlds. Ground Water Monitoring & Remediation. NGWA, v.24, No. 2. Lancaster, L. C. & Stillman, D. (2002). When Generations Collide. Harper Collins Publishers, Inc., NY, NY. National Policy Consensus Center. (2002). Watershed Solutions. Collaborative Problem Solving for States and Communities. Portland State University. Weisbord, M. R., et al, (1992). Discovering Common Ground. How future search conferences bring people together to achieve break through innovation, empowerment, shared vision, and collaborative action. Berrett-Kochler Publishers, San Francisco. Wilmot, W.W. & Hocker, J. L. (2001). Interpersonal Conflict. McGraw Hill. Sixth Edition.
[a] Larry is a consulting hydrogeologist that included mediation/facilitation in his practice in 1998. He has numerous certificates of training that include environmental and public policy disputes, land policy disputes, and advanced study in alternative dispute resolution. He can be reached at 303-674-6484 or at cerrillo1@mindspring.com.
Sending Dad to the Nursing Home? Elder Care Mediation
Sending Dad to the Nursing Home?
“You want to put dad in assisted living? Why?”“You live across country and you don’t know what I go through. I have my family to look after too you know.”Does this situation sound familiar? If you are engaged in family squabbles regarding eldercare, think about a family gathering with a neutral mediator.All too often we get too close to our problems and fail to see possible solutions. A neutral can help keep the peace and often help restore broken relationships.By getting everyone together, including the elder parent(s), solutions can be found that satisfy everyone’s needs and reduce family tensions.If indeed certain members live cross country, conference calls or video conferencing can be arranged. These sessions do not necessarily eliminate the need for attorneys or financial planners, but may considerably reduce the time you will need for their engagement.If your family is having a difficult time making decisions about care of an elder family member, contact us to discuss how our services can help.
How do you motivate your employees? - Business Conflict Resolutions
How do you motivate your employees?
As a business leader have you ever thought about how you motivate people? Of course there is always the traditional way, I reward (pay) you to do your job, and give you no, or negative feedback when you don't.Of course this can work to a point but is this the best way?Perhaps a more productive approach is to motivate your employees from within and in line with their core values.For instance first it is important to put the right people in the right positions. Would you want someone working in your sales department who is an introvert and likely not comfortable around people?In order to have people take ownership of their job it is best if they are motivated by there internal values.An example: John or Mary enjoys connecting with people, finding solutions, educating people , or simply taking care of someone. These folks are likely to be a more effective sales people than Suzy or Jim who really like working with numbers and are less comfortable around people.Yes they may be motivated by a paycheck but if they don't love what they are doing and not feeling fulfilled internally will they really take ownership of their job?When people are motivated internally they buy in to their work and in turn have more success which translates into happier employees, a more prosperous company and an overall healthier culture within the organization.As an effective manager of people it is useful to take the time to identify the person for the position they are best suited. Just appearing to be qualified doesn't mean they are the best fit for the given position.Take time to ask the questions to understand what motivates the individual, what they like,what they are called to do and where they really feel connected in there work. This will give your employees and your organization the best possible chance for success.
Communication: It's a Tricky Bloke
Communication: It's a Tricky Bloke
One of the central issues of conflict is communication. Communication is more than the passing of information, which is sent as a message. At its basic level, a message has four components: content, sender, the medium, and the receiver. Each contains complexities and maintains influence over information passed (even silence can send a message). Sending a message with 100% accuracy is rare indeed. During its lifetime a message and its meaning have a good chance of being altered, misunderstood, lost, or manipulated. Too much damage to the message could send interlocutors into dispute, and getting out may prove difficult.Working on misinformation from a distorted message can create all kinds of headaches. Indeed, if one were to assume all information received is 100% correct 100% of the time, then big trouble would closely follow. For the most part, on a basic level, we humans have realized this. We ask for some clarity, "what do you mean?" and repetition, "could you repeat that?" or "what?". While this helps, it is not solely reliable. This is not to say that every message needs intense scrutiny--that would be impossible and quite inefficient. Yet, there are some occasions where scrutiny and attention to detail is beneficial. Mostly, this is during important, vital or new communications. Getting messages wrong in these circumstances can be harmful.Fortunately, people can take precautions to prevent such damage before it sets in, or mitigate its effects. It is simple to state that “knowing that complexities exist in communication helps its effectiveness”, but it is valid, just a bit difficult to maintain, especially in on-the-go dealings in real life situations. Getting caught up in a circle of miscommunication hampers efforts of clarification. A third party, not involved in the communication, is best suited to handle clarification, and the disputes that have most likely come up due to the fog of communication.
Punxsutawney Phil in Mediation
Black-tailed Prairie Marmot - Cynomys ludovicianus
The Associated Press reported this weekend that Ohio authorities have issued an indictment of Punxsutawney Phil, alleging that he “did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that spring would come early.”Additional sources have suggested that Phil is seeking to file suit regarding the slanderous social media war being waged against him. He believes that the vitriol could damage his ability to find work in the future. OvalOptions has begun contacting all parties involved hoping to pursue a successful resolution through public dialogues and mediation. Dragging the case though court would cost significantly more money and take much longer than the successful implementation of our dispute resolution services. We believe that our highly skilled mediation practitioners can help everyone reach a mutually satisfying result in private and outside of court. Additionally, we are confident that all issues can be resolved before spring arrives. We all know that pursuing this through court would cause the dispute to drag on beyond the actual arrival of spring and that once spring arrives, everyone will forget about Phil until next year anyway.
You Have It. Conflict: An Introduction
You Have It. Conflict: An Introduction
To help breweries better understand our services, we’ll start by clarifying conflict. Conflict is a strong word, but it exists every day and offers opportunities for growth and progress…if managed well. If it is not, conflict can incur devastating damages to relationships, communities and businesses. Conflict is any instance where opposition exists, whether it is perceived or real, known or unknown. It can range from disagreement on new recipes to Sales and Production disputes, and can be immediately or progressively destructive. Fortunately, if managed properly, conflict provides opportunities for learning, growth, collaboration and progress. Without conflict, we would not have the wheel, medicine, comfy slippers or beer. It is vital to acknowledge when conflict exists (it can be latent for years) and know how to effectively address it.Often, the issue at hand is a culmination of tensions. Conflicts are seldom unaccompanied. That is, they attach to relationships, emotions, businesses, finances and products. As such, management and resolutions must take into account these attachments. Sometimes a relationship is more important than the actual conflict, which can still be costly, and must be considered. Conflicts are complex and no one universal method of management and resolution exists. Proper management requires special attention to each conflict.Conflict consumes time and energy from the parties involved. This creates an attachment with the conflict and a resolution may include additional provisions, such as an apology, appreciation or reciprocation. Many win/lose resolutions beget feelings of resentment and animosity, which can only intensify latent conflict. We assist the parties in searching for win/win solutions; answers that resolve the conflict, improve relationships, and are sensitive to finances.
NOPE does mean no, but BANANA is not necessarily a fruit
NOPE does mean no, but BANANA is not necessarily a fruit
I have been a conflict resolution professional for just over twenty-five years. My most memorable cases have been land use/environmental cases, usually convened at the behest of local governments and involving multiple parties and factions. To be a successful mediator in this arena, one needs to be aware of the significance of four acronyms. Their influence on the beginning of a mediation (when it is actually convened, or not), as it progresses and when it ends cannot be ignored. The first of these is the most well-known: NIMBY – Not in My Back Yard. Any proposed change in land use can be controversial to potential neighbors. Jurisdictions usually set a limit for potentially affected parties (e.g., 500 feet from the boundary), but residents in the area may see their “back yard” as being much larger than the one defined by the controlling local government. Even if these neighbors see the use as being one that is generally beneficial to the public at large (e.g., a household hazardous waste collection facility), they will usually say that there must be a better place than the one proposed. NIMBY is often a result of a fear of declining property values or quality of life due to the proposed project.The second of these is NIMTOO – Not in My Term of Office. This one applies to the decision-makers (e.g., city councils, county commissioners, etc.). No elected official likes to be involved with high-profile, contentious decisions on his/her watch. When win-lose decisions are made (yes, we will allow a landfill one mile from a housing development), the losers will likely remember in the next election. However, the freshness of memory declines with time, and hard, unpopular decisions are more likely to be made by these folks early in their term of office. Therefore, it is to the opponents’ advantage to delay, delay, delay, especially if they privately think that the proposed land use change is lawful. I have seen late-term denials that would have been early-term approvals.The third of these acronyms is BANANA – Build Almost Nothing Anywhere Near Anything. This is common among folks who are focused on land preservation above all else. The concept of shared use, buffer zones and/or minimizing impacts is lost on them. Although they will enter into negotiations, the eventual goal is preservation of the land in question as it is (e.g., wildlife habitat, open space, etc.) or even moving land from a more disturbed condition (an abandoned factory) to a less disturbed condition (open space). Thus, a proposal to turn acreage blighted by old, crumbling buildings into a modern office park would not be acceptable, no matter how much landscaping was planned. Last, but not least, is NOPE – Not on Planet Earth. This point of view is typically advocated by people who have moved beyond BANANA. Mankind is often seen as a blight upon the planet (an argument that is not totally without merit, if extreme), and any increase in our footprint is something to be fought. Like the folks who advocate for BANANA, they are not necessarily neighbors of the proposed project. Their issues go beyond the narrow confines of NIMBY, because their backyard is much larger, in this case the whole world. Consultants for NIMBY groups (homeowners associations near the proposed project, for example) may don this mantle to increase their impact. Advocates for national groups may move into negotiations with this point of view, caring not about the individual proposal and its impacts, but more about the overarching issue of preserving the planet.A mediator must, to maintain credibility, treat all of these groups under these acronymic banners with an equal amount of respect. Their concerns are no less real and credible than those of the people advocating for the land use change (land owners, consultants, developers, attorneys – but more about them in a later article). These acronyms are meant to clarify the groups of people commonly seen in these disputes, not to trivialize them. Even if they are not directly at the table (like the elected officials worrying about NIMTOO), their shadow hovers nearby. If they are at the table, an analysis of their motives will help any mediator better assist everyone involved in the mediation in reaching an agreement that seems equitable to all.Mark S. Loye, Conflict Resolution ConsultantMediation Works 2, L.L.C.Associate, OvalOptions
Resolve Family Conflicts Before It's Too Late - Tell Your Sister You Were Right About Me
Tell Your Sister You Were Right About Me~Darth Vader
You probably know someone who has been in a conflict with a relative for years, perhaps decades. Perhaps you yourself have not spoken with a brother, sister, or parent in a long time. This is a common problem. The more time that goes by, the more difficult it is to reach out again. Put yourself in Luke Skywalker’s shoes.In the Star Wars Trilogy, Luke Skywalker does not know that his father has turned to the dark side and is plotting to control the Galaxy. But when he does find this out, he sets out on a quest to save his father, as he knows that “there is good in him,”Finally in the tragic yet hopeful end to The Return of the Jedi, Luke’s Father, Anakin instructs his son to take his mask off “so I can look on you with my own eyes”.Darth Vader then speaks his final words to his son, “tell your sister you were right about me, tell your sister you were right”.What Luke was right about was that there WAS good in is father, and that although torn with jealously, power and rage over a lost love by the evil Emperor, deep down inside, Anakin Skywalker LOVED his son and wanted to somehow reunite with him.What made it so difficult for Vader to release his anger and forgive himself for his wrong doings and return “to the light side” of the Force and life in general were those around him that were using his anger to their own benefit.OvalOptions creates an environment free of these outside influences where people who have been long separated by anger and hate can come together and let go.We can assist you and your family members by bringing you back “to the light side” and helping to heal wounds before its too late.If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, call 720-220-8683 or contact us here.
Martha Stewart in Mediation
Sources have reported that Macy’s, J.C. Penney and Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia have been ordered to participate in mediation after three weeks of court testimonies.Court-ordered mediation is becoming more and more common in high-profile disputes. A perfect storm of conditions helps to make mediation more common in our daily lives.
- The courts are overwhelmed and backlogged.
- Most disputes settle out of court anyway.
- Many disputes originate out of hurt feelings, which are cases that most judges have no interest in hearing about.
In 2012, Colorado District Court reported 288,877 new cases. They have seen an increase of 70 percent over the last 10 years. With only 176 judges you can imagine that things are going to get backlogged. Your day in court can be months or years away. Other states are reporting increased numbers also.This backlog of cases means that more disputants are seeking to settle outside of court rather than wait in line for their day (or few minutes) in court. Waiting to see the judge means your losing time and money.Finally, emotions, hurt feelings and egos often initiate the dispute in the first place. In the case of Martha Stewart, CBS News reported that Macy’s CEO Lundgren testified that Martha Stewart called to notify him of the deal with J.C. Penney and he was so shocked that he hung up on her for not discussing with him in advance. Judges rarely care about how the other person’s actions made you feel. Judges must review the law and whether your case fits precedence set by other legal decisions.My belief is that as soon as the judge realized that the problem started due to a communication break down over hurt feelings, he stopped the case to order mediation.We see this all the time in business disputes. A simple breakdown in communication leads to a huge, painful dispute. When people seek out mediation immediately after the initial breakdown occurs they often see results that maintain relationships, save money on attorneys’ fees, reduce the time spent dealing with the conflict and often find better solutions that benefit everyone.Don’t waste time avoiding the conversations, perfecting your legal argument and waiting on a judge to order you to mediation. Contact us early.
Not every conflict requires lawyers and the court system
Before you sue, consider mediation
Our society is bombarded with the idea of the legal system and the belief that lawyers and judges are the only options for dealing with disagreements.Many people are discouraged by the belief that they must pursue an adversarial process to handle a minor dispute. The fact is that there are other ways of addressing issues with friends, family members, business associates and community members.The other option is called mediation. A mediator will work with you and the other party to negotiate a satisfactory resolution. As a group of mediation practitioners, OvalOptions will set up a confidential meeting in a “round table” setting. We will help you discuss the conflict in a productive manner where everyone will have an opportunity to express his or her perspective on the situation.Mediators work outside of or parallel to the court system and can help resolve the issues more quickly and at a lower cost than the legal system. The mediation process even helps to preserve relationships.We call these options Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) services. These services include mediation, facilitation and arbitration.
Family Legal advice vs family legal information
Family Legal advice vs family legal information
When you find yourself in a family related conflict, whether legal or otherwise, you probably care little about the actual difference between family legal advice and family legal information but the difference is vital to finding the right help for your situation.Legal advice requires knowledge of your specific situation and the actual application of law in your circumstances. Advice can only be offered by licensed attorneys. If you call a government agency or other resource and state, “I need legal advice,” it is likely that the person on the other end will quickly cut you off and say they can’t help. The reason for this is simple, to offer legal advice you must know the law and you must be willing to accept some amount of responsibility for the advice you give. The fact that the legal system is very detailed and complicated is why you may need an attorney as well as why attorneys charge a lot of money for their services.Legal advice includes things such as drafting official legal documents, representing a person in court or answering the question “what will happen in court?”Legal information only requires some knowledge of legal processes or where to find certain resources.The choice is always in your hands. Contact OvalOptions to learn about our services, get information on relevant resources and to understand if your needs and interests require seeking legal advice from a licensed attorney.
I need family legal advice! Family Legal advice vs legal information for families
I need family legal advice!
Many of our initial family oriented phone conversations with potential mediation clients begin with this plea for help, “I need legal advice!” While we can’t give legal advice, we can offer some tips and services that may be able to help you. Often our Denver mediation callers are more in need of direction/information than true legal advice, however, if you do need legal advice you will need to contact an attorney for that information. The following article will help you understand the basic difference between legal advice and legal information and will offer some basic information that may help you with your situation.The OvalOptions Denver Mediation and Arbitration services work outside of or along with the legal system which often creates confusion. When you contact us, our first step is to hear the condensed version of your situation and how you would like to see it resolved. Are you getting divorced and want to settle as peacefully as possible or are you angry and looking for someone to advocate for you? Maybe you loaned your brother money to start a business and the repayment hasn’t started as expected. In this case you could be interested in negotiating a payment plan or you could be more interested in taking him to court to recover the lost funds. Both of these scenarios present opportunities for both legal advice and opportunities for mediation options.
A discussion of gun violence:
A discussion of gun violence:
With the recent incidents of gun violence in Aurora, Clackamas, and Newtown social media forums have experienced an outpouring of discussion about gun violence, mental health, the NRA and the Second Amendment. These discussions are emotional and informational. We see this as an opportunity to tackle the issues at hand, discuss the problems and collaborate to help find solutions.Please join us in a dialogue about gun violence in the USA. We believe that no one person has THE solution. We also believe that all of us can provide a solution if we work together.OvalOptions invites you to join the dialogue on our Facebook page. There, you may voice your opinions, ideas, questions and concerns or share valuable resources. This is an open discussion where everybody can reply and comment.OvalOptions will moderate the dialogue. The Ground Rules for participation are:
- Focus on the issue
- Have respect for others' opinions
- Remain open minded
- Refrain from making assumptions (about people, issues, opinions and ideas). Ask for clarification if needed
- Ask questions
- Avoid using sarcasm
- Any disrespectful comments will be deleted
- If you’re unsure how to comment in a productive way or don’t want your comment to be public, send us a private message
- For more tips on engaging in productive conversations, read our blog “Making the choice between your friend and your politician”
This is not a competition; it is collaboration to find a mutually acceptable, and sturdy solution. Upon completion, we will generate a public report summarizing the issues, resources and possible solutions.We see the situation residing in five main categories. These are not rigid and others can exist.
- Gun Laws (gun types, ammunition, availability, application of laws, etc)
- Constitutional (the 2nd Amendment, definition, modern applications, etc)
- Social (societal influences, societal obligations, social limitations, public safety, etc)
- Personal (family roles, personal responsibilities, etc)
- Mental Health (illness, awareness, assistance, etc)
Five Steps to Resolve Conflict in the Workplace
Five steps to resolve conflict in the workplace
As a business manager and leader, don’t ignore conflict in your workplace or business.
Here are some tips to get you started toward conflict resolution:
- 1
Let them vent.
Sit down with your employees one-on-one and give them a chance to talk through it. As awful as this may sound it can be incredibly effective. The key is to shut up and listen. Avoid the temptation to offer solutions and “fix-it.” Often knowing that you’re aware of the problem and care enough to let them talk will improve the situation. Validate their perspective without agreeing. (Note: this is also effective on significant others). - 2
Task them with offering solutions
If they insist that you fix the problem you might have some decisions to make but, first, put the task of offering solutions on them. Ask them to put five suggestions in writing and come back for more discussion. A good leader considers the perspective of those closest to the problem. They might have some really good ideas. Do your best to validate their ideas even if they aren’t feasible. Help them understand the bigger picture. - 3
Stay open to creativity
We always want things to be clearly black and white but this is rarely the case. There are plenty of gray areas where resolutions can be found. Take a step back and look at the big picture. The solution may be complicated but will it improve the bottom line? - 4
Seek to understand the conflict
Perhaps there is more going on. What is the root issue of the conflict? Often, the noticeable aspects of a conflict are just the symptoms, and the problem can be deep and difficult to ascertain. Is it systemic? Personal? Externally catalyzed? Knowing the source, root or foundations of conflict can open doors to improvement and progress within your company. - 5
Know when to seek outside help
If you’re too close to the problem it may be difficult to get it resolved. Often the help of a neutral 3rd party, such as a mediator or a coach, can help your frustrated employees work things out. This strategy will help distance you from the problem while ensuring that the discussions move in a more productive direction.
It is important to recognize that conflict happens a lot but it isn’t always a bad thing. Your bottom line can be improved if you’re willing to acknowledge conflict and address it early-on either independently or with the help of a neutral.
Conflict Resolution: Painless Profit During a Tough Economy
The most overlooked potential for maintaining and potentially increasing profit during a down economy is to focus on your staff. If you are seeing an increase in absenteeism, tardiness, turnover, passive aggressive behavior, or congregation around the coffee pot, you may have problems. These problems are typically associated with unacknowledged conflict. The conflicts may be caused by things such as personality differences and work stresses and may be between two or more employees, between an employee and a supervisor or any combination of personnel.As a business manager, you may often ignore these conflicts because of their relationship to emotional and stress factors. Left unattended, these unsettled conflicts are robbing your bottom line…big time.Most employee turnover is a result of unresolved conflict. Studies suggest that your cost to replace an employee is between 75-150% of that person’s annual salary. Passive aggressive behavior and related symptoms of conflict are also affecting profit in terms of cost overruns, stolen time, poor quality products, customer dissatisfaction and potential loss of customers.Conflict does not magically go away. As a manager and leader, you must take steps toward resolution. Avoidance is rarely the best solution because when conflict goes unresolved you lose your best employees, not the “problem” employees.Our next article “Five steps to resolve conflict in the workplace” will offer you some advice on how to get started towards conflict resolution.
Avoiding Family Conflict During the Holidays
Avoiding Family Conflict During the Holidays
Happy Holidays are not always so happy. You might actually be dreading a potential conflict or confrontation with a family member you have not seen since last December. The anticipation of such conflict might even cause you stress. Getting together with your family can be an opportunity for tension to arise and disputes to erupt. This just adds to the anxiety already associated with the Holiday season—shopping, travel, traffic, endless Santa commercials, Black Friday, “seasonal” music, and so on.Tensions exist. Everyone in your family is different, and those differences make them unique. Disagreements do not go away if ignored and can come up at inopportune times—like holidays. Understanding several factors that enhance tensions and differences is the first step to ease the holiday stress.
- Anticipation: Keep in mind that anticipation for an event is usually worse than the event itself. Have you ever dreaded a situation, but then afterwards realized, "well, that wasn't bad"? The dread we feel weeks leading up to the family meeting just adds fuel to an unlit fire. Keep in mind that other family members may be experiencing the same dread. One small spark can ignite a firestorm.
- Acknowledgment: Since not thinking about it is not an option, nor a wise choice, we move to the next best thing: acknowledgment. Understand that, yes, there will be rough moments...this should not be surprising…and that you can be prepared to manage them effectively, if not efficiently.
- Salience of Tension: Anticipation helps increase the strength of tense situations. That is, dreading the “question”, or the “speech” that some family member will inevitably bring up only makes the question/speech worse than it really is. We've built it up in our minds. And we deal with this anticipation in addition to our normal lives and the stress therein (work, friends, neighbors, etc.), which adds to the worry, which in turn worsens the situation.
- Separate the situation from the person. This is not easy, but it helps. We tend to attack the messenger, and not address the message. Yelling or snapping at someone does not help, and actually can make things worse. Keeping in mind the previous two aspects helps this separation. Maybe somebody verbally attacks you--resist the urge to return the favor.
- Understand that not everyone will agree with what you say, think, believe, feel and do. Convincing them can be an exercise in futility, and probably would not change things anyway.
- No Judging: Leave judgment in the car. Just as you have your own motives, so, too, others have theirs. If you do not like the way a family member lives that is fine—and that does not mean they are wrong. Telling someone he/she is wrong will be met with defense, which can turn to offense. And the back and forth ensues.
- Truth: A little bit of soft honesty can go a long way. Honesty about yourself, and not other people. If you are uncomfortable talking about something, then say so…and give a little bit of an honest explanation to help others understand what you mean.
- Confrontation: The Holiday season is no time to initiate confrontation. If you would like to confront someone, wait until later. If someone confronts you, say you understand and will talk about it later. There is simply too much stress to address disputes constructively during Holidays. Maybe agree on a time/place after the holidays to talk things over. But, don't use this as an excuse to not talk about it. This will only make next year worse.
Some issues cannot be resolved. Others may take time. This is no magic wand cure all, but with just a little bit of effort, understanding and patience (and maybe a touch of acceptance) can turn that holiday nightmare into an enjoyable time.
About the Pub Dialogues
The Pub Dialogues is a somewhat-monthly public engagement series that brings people out of the chat rooms and into neighborhood pubs to discuss with one another various and important topics. Presented by OvalOptions (www.ovaloptions.com), a conflict management firm based in Denver, CO.These sessions allow people with different, and possibly opposing viewpoints, to:
- Actually meet
- Engage in face-to-face discussion
- Disagree in civil fashion
- Better understand perspectives
- Learn more about topics at hand
- Collectively tackle issues in order to be better prepared to find solutions and progress
Experienced facilitators from OvalOptions will assist groups in discussing each topic. They will encourage participation, allow each participant to speak, and capture main points, issues, concerns and ideas.Why the pub? In the spirit of “Cheers”, the popular sitcom of the 1980s, the pub is where ‘everybody knows your name’. It is a place where people can gather in a relaxed and somewhat uninhibited atmosphere. The pub is a local business, and in Denver these pubs serve exceptional craft beer–the social lubricant. People from all backgrounds go to the pub; they have for centuries to discuss social, governmental, religious, cultural, scientific, philosophic, and personal issues. To share personal success, seek comfort from the Blues, tell stories of adventure and failure, and meet new friends.These events are FREE of charge to all ages (21 to drink). Please drink responsibly!
What we learned from "what we learned". Obama/Romney Debate
The Presidential Debate in Denver on Wednesday night gave reporters plenty of things to write about --who won, who lost and what it all means. One source (CNN.com) posted an article entitled "5 Things We Learned From the Presidential Debate". It lists five aspects to be taken from the debate to determine what should be, or was, gleaned from the exchange between Governor Romney and President Obama. Yet, none of the listed items has any substance; none matter when either gentleman takes office.Debates are all about who wins at arguing with the winner determined by a moderator(s). Substance matters for naught, and as we see in these "things we learned" articles, not even considered. Reports have concluded that Romney "won" this debate based on his positive demeanor, body language and tone, while Obama lost for the more negative levels of these. The CNN.com article claims Obama missed opportunities to attack Romney and slip in some 'zingers' that would make Obama look better, and possibly better his chances to 'win' this debate.But, big deal. Whether Romney looked at ease, or Obama missed chances to win a debate, does not negate the importance of topics concerning America. Or at least they shouldn’t. And while news articles and opinion pieces announce what we learned from posture, tone and pursed lips, they underscore the emptiness of salience of presidential debates on either candidate being qualified for the office of president. In other words, the issues facing America, how they were discussed, and what the candidates offered to address these issues were not even touched upon in these articles. Who cares what each candidate looked like, how they spoke or if they were at ease or angry? Apparently our news sources do.So, what did we learn from "what did we learn" pieces? That many journalists and political pundits (and probably a good part of the population) think the debates offer (and should offer) only superficial factors that help calculate which gentleman is the better candidate. And this highlights one problem with Debate: that one side has to win, no matter which superficial factors are used for this determination. In the meantime, issues are ignored, discussion and collaboration shut out, and solutions unreached. The presidential debates, in their current form anyway, only serve to diminish the vetting of candidates based on substantive factors.A better approach is to have a sit-down discussion between candidates and a neutral facilitator with a flexible structure and loose time limits. Perhaps even the candidates do not want this.Don't debate, collaborate.
Making the choice between your friend and your politician
The presidential debates are looming, and many of us need to be reminded how to avoid turning our friends into enemies. The tips below will help you maintain sanity during the political season and avoid the need to choose between your friends and your candidates.
- Remember every issue has many viewpoints; strive to understand them.
- Listen to what is meant and how you are receiving it rather than how it is stated.
- Ask questions to clarify meanings.
- Focus on the issues, not the person.
- Be respectful; no name-calling.
- Ask yourself whether you have all of the facts. Be open-minded and willing to learn.
- Keep the doors open to areas of common agreement and new ideas.
- Practice patience.
The key to working through all types of disagreements is to strive toward understanding the other person’s perspective. If you understand where they’re coming from and why they believe what they do, then they are more likely to act in kind and recognize your opinion on the issue.Remember that, unless you destroy the relationship now, your friends will be around long after your candidate’s term has ended. Also, be sure to consider how boring the world would be if we all agreed on everything.If you want more information, read about our efforts to encourage productive conversations through Pub Dialogues.