Five Pillars of Conflict

The Five Pillars of Conflict support a conflict or dispute against attempts at understanding and resolution. Young conflicts have one or two of these. If unchecked, more pillars tend to arise. As time goes by, these pillars can become thicker and more sturdy, making it more difficult to remove them. But, it can still be done. The first step is understanding each in order to identify them as they are constructed. 

Assigning Motivation

Many times, we don’t know why somebody did, or said, something (or didn’t), yet we have a need to know. Some inner drive requires an explanation, we just can’t seem to accept “no reason”. So, we make up the reason, and may even make a game out of it. Sometimes, what we conjure up is pretty accurate. Most times, however, it is not. Creating your own narrative for someone else’s actions is bad enough, but it triggers a domino effect. It affects your view of the situation, your perception of the person, your view of that person’s future actions, and the relationship between you and them. Those are just the tip of the iceberg, too. Needless to say, Trust is damaged.

Problem from Person

A common, almost routine, misstep in problem solving and discussion. Once the focus shifts to a person and away from the problem, conflict can escalate. This comes in several forms, from name-calling to ridicule to attacking the integrity of a messenger. Yet, it’s so easy to fall into this rut and difficult to get out as it almost always creates a cycle of personal attacks. Meanwhile, the problem persists, grows, becomes more intractable.

You may find yourself taking personal offense to others’ disagreement to your belief, argument, or viewpoint. Even if they stick to the topic, you may still feel personally slighted. Separate the two internally.

Interest and Position

A position is how you argue; the interest is why you’re arguing in the first place. These aren’t easy to differentiate or identify. Usually, we take a position that we think will win an argument. Debates are built around this format in that participants try to persuade others to accept their argument. This leads to dedication to “winning” and increasingly less attention is given to the actual interest. What you want trumps why you want it. If you win an argument, do you really achieve your interest?

Loaded and Toxic Language

Ostensibly the easiest pillar to identify: Name-calling, vulgarity, personal attacks, passive aggression are a few examples. However, not-so obvious toxicity exists in abundance. Leading and loaded questions, false conclusions, lying, sarcasm, and rhetorical questions can put others on the defensive and reduce trust. A good example is in the question, “where are you going so fast?”  Well, by responding with a location, you’ve just admitted to going “so fast”.  It’s a leading question; leading you to admit something. It takes a careful eye/ear to pick up on such examples. Using such language inhibits open conversation and trust.

Intent vs. Impact

This ties into Assigning Motivation. Intent is something only one person knows. And sometimes, not even that many. We may not know why something was done or said. Knee-jerk reactions, unconscious bias, instincts, etc. can all play a part.  But there is a subtle yet important distinction between what we intend with our actions/words and how others receive them (impact). Many legal jurisdictions understand this distinction (for example, there are 3 different murder charges, plus a couple manslaughter charges, based on intent). This doesn’t mean that any impact is false or unjust—somebody accidentally killed is still dead. Any offense taken is still taken, even if none were intended. But, moving past the incident is much easier if the intent and impact are clarified and accepted.

The People Ingredient: A Craft Brewery's Biggest Threat?

By Jason Gladfelter, Director of Brewery Mediation NetworkThis article expands on the article written by Ed Sealover published in the Denver Business Journal Aug. 5th: "What Ails Colorado Brewing". Craft brewing is (still) booming. The Colorado economy alone sees $1.15 billion from the burgeoning brewery business, and currently there are more than 300 brewing licenses in Colorado, according to the Boulder-based Brewers Association. The craft brew business certainly looks delicious…from afar.Yet growing pains persist. Sure, it has high-profile enemies in the form of big-brewer buyouts, trademark disputes and the forecasted bubble burst, but perhaps the most crippling threat resides within the industry and individual breweries themselves: your crew and you. Internal friction, poor communication and disjointed operations can cost a brewery dearly and even lead to its demise.  If this is uncomfortable for you to hear, good. That means you must keep reading.Every brewery has a People Ingredient, which has two main components: the obvious (people) and the formless (their interactions).  While it is common knowledge that breweries hire qualified individuals, it is also important to keep them, to utilize their skills and benefit from their role and input on the brewery team.  How?  That's a great question, and this is where the tricky part comes into play.Interpersonal interaction, communication and cooperation face obstacles, and the devil is in the details.  These terms are not new, but are taken for granted or misunderstood.  What does communication actually entail?  What are considered "interactions"? And does cooperation mean more than just getting along?The keystone is communication. We must pay heed to what Sun Tzu said: "know the enemy and know yourself." In this case, the enemy is poor interpersonal skills, and yourself is…well, yourself.  How well do you communicate? Communicating is more than using the correct words; it includes listening, understanding the process of word selection, the words you select, your state of mind, your overt and latent emotions, the medium used, knowing your audience, and why you feel compelled to communicate at all.  This is not easy, to say the least. Even the best businesses can suffer from fragile internal dynamics, miscommunication and misunderstandings that can decrease productivity and foster disappointing results.While poor communication and disjointed operations can plague any company, the craft brewery industry is especially vulnerable to these common pitfalls. Many breweries start out as small businesses, without the budget or scope to maintain full-time staff to manage the daily facets and dynamics of internal communications, or install and maintain special systems for grievances and feedback.  Often that responsibility falls on the brewer, the owner, a board member or shift supervisor – if there are any.  And their glasses already runneth over with their primary responsibilities. Furthermore, many small craft breweries are formed by close knit groups where established relationships are plunged into unfamiliar waters. Emotions can affect difficult business decisions, and vice versa, making sticky situations almost immovable and especially frustrating.  Fortunately, there are processes craft breweries can acquire and utilize to prevent and avoid potential internal disasters.In a March 8, 2016 Forbes article, Harpoon Brewery CEO Dan Kenary discussed his leadership lessons and revealed that he and his business partner couldn’t co-exist. Eventually, Kenary’s passion for beer conflicted with the need for profits. He realized the salience of the People Ingredient. His employees became his partners and culture came first.David Lin, Chairman of Comrade Brewing, understands the importance of the People Ingredient. With a background in hospitality management and sporting an MBA, David hires people "who are smarter and more talented" than himself and "there's no shortage of those people."  He applies the age old motto: "treat people like you would want to be treated." While this is great advice with a strong foundation, keeping up its practice in a business setting can be difficult. Especially if starting a brewery involves outside investors.Brewers focus on creating beer they love: Investors and owners rightfully seek return on investment and to keep costs low.  Disagreements and disputes between the sides ensue.  Egos and judgements inflate. “Brewers are not managers,” a brewing industry profession once told me. Add to that its reverse, “managers are not brewers,” and we get a recipe for toxicity and damage.  But they need each other.Or as Tim Myers, Strange Craft Beer Company owner deftly puts it: “being an awesome home brewer doesn’t make you an awesome business partner…breweries that have great recipes but no business savvy have had to find out how to survive.”Myers should know. He spent 18 months in conflict with a Boston home brew shop over trademark and other legal issues. Now he is parting ways with a business partner and friend of 12 years.  “We were a textbook case for everything that could go wrong, would go wrong.” he adds.  “Two buddies going into business together is almost as risky as a couple thinking that having a child can save a marriage!” Myers describes themselves as naïve, thinking they knew everything needed to open a brewery. They didn’t have responsible partner practices, they had no operating agreement and “while we were frenetically running and trying to expand the business, things failed.” He currently spends “too much of his time” negotiating a buyout. Hardly a yellow brick road.“I’m happy we’re still alive,” says Myers, adding that having business experience in one industry doesn’t prepare you for the craft brewery business. He wishes he had spent time and money using business or communication consultants on crafting an operating agreement, as well as a buy/sell agreement.  “If we had written and verbal communication plans in place and had agreed on a set of solutions while we were all on the same page, it would have changed everything.  When forming a partnership, everyone assumes it will be rosy; no one talks about the ‘what if’s.’  It’s not a negative process to plan for the future, it’s looking out and protecting each other.”  One such plan is inserting a mediation clause into written agreements, whereby parties utilize mediation if/when disagreements and disputes arise. Mediation is the middle step between DIY and securing legal advocacy, and it can save time, money, stress and your business.“Failure is a good teacher, instant success isn’t,” so says Bill Eye, current head of Denver's new Bierstadt Lagerhaus. At age 53 he is considered a veteran amongst the younger craft brewers.  Eye is another example of a passionate brewer who had to learn from what he describes as “lost dreams”.  He is emphatic in proselytizing a philosophy rooted in cynicism yet yearning for the positive.   “Too many brewers and business partners become at odds for it to be a coincidence.  Before forming a partnership, you must examine your goals or become victims of circumstance”.The circumstance Eye refers to is the reality that brewers have the passion: they speak and live the culture before ever attempting to make it a career – they go to conventions and tastings and collaborative festivals. They follow their artistic motivations. Then the reality of needing capital causes the search for a financial partner, who naturally wants return on her/his investments. The beer makers want something more esoteric – they want the lifestyle that goes with the beer making:  “I love the feeling of walking around the bar and seeing people enjoying my beer; it’s so validating,” says Eye. “But the investors don’t need that, they just want the beer sold and distributed”.  Eye adds “It’s not wrong, it’s just the reality”.This is where the cycle of incommunicado begins, and it manifests itself in completely different approaches, from day-to-day to long-term.  It leads to animosity, grudges, hazy perspectives, misunderstanding, dropped duties and lost jobs. It creates a culture where money is expected to trump everything and brewers feel resentful and are lead to believe they don’t have value and are not protected.  “Business people can’t be successful without us,” says Eye. “We really do have intellectual property and knowledge that should be valued as much as the money side”.His lessons learned?  Mandatory must-do: operating agreements that are symbiotic as well as balanced (“So I won’t lose control”), goals that are delineated in advance, business plans that are joint-collaborations, and partners who understand with whom they are going into business. This takes intense, interactive strategic planning meetings to discover, understand and prepare for the details of running a brewing business. Not many individuals have all the answers, or even all the questions. Pooling intellectual and creative resources can address this challenge.“There is more than one way to do things; every brewer in the industry has an opinion on nitro beers or Vermont style IPAs. We can disagree at fundamental levels, but the best way to flourish as an industry is to come together and share our points of view,” says Adam Dunbar, Mountain West District Manager for Green Flash Brewing Co. Dunbar loves his position, the company and the infrastructure at Green Flash. But after intense frustrations at a prior position – experiencing what he now considers a lack of communication, confusing hierarchy and vague strategies—he relishes the current family-oriented culture and clear structure at Green Flash. Communication is collaborative (weekly meetings, sharing ideas openly and honestly). He describes fluid working conditions and more of a flat hierarchy, and tools such as a best practices procedures and a manual.  Adam would like to see more in-person brewers’ summits and fewer blog, Facebook and online complaints.  “At the end of the day we will learn something and it will be beneficial. Let’s face it, our brains are wired differently and we should find solidarity in coming together and talking shop.”“Mario”, a self-proclaimed beer geek with a science and business background, entered the craft brewery world believing he could truly pair his academic acumen with his hobby.  Within a few months, he was out. The main reason: communication. “I was a manager yet didn’t know what the strategy was.” Mario sees most of the craft beer industry made of young, non-corporate-trained people. There’s a lack of organizations structure and no communication processes. There is little planning and communication of goals and objectives, making it difficult to impossible for employees to do their jobs effectively.  Mario goes on to say that brewers need to hire consultants specialized in business conflict to train them in planning, strategy, communication and conflict management.  They need to be able to “keep their employees from feeling like they’re shooting from the hip”.  “Sometimes a little corporate-type of structure is a good thing,” he says. His biggest piece of advice: “don’t wait until you need mediation, put in practices to avoid going out of business.” Of course, mediation is always an option.These cautionary tales serve as critical advice, but more importantly they highlight the need to dig deeper into, and understand, a brewery's People Ingredient.  Brewery owners and staff must respect the importance of communication and interaction and the details therein. They must not ignore the ‘soft skills’ designed to strengthen intra-brewery communication and relations.  Talented, artistic individuals and experienced business people require strong communications and interactions to become a symbiotic and successful team.  After all, what can make or break a brewing business is its skill set involving personal interaction, conflict management and communication. But it's tricky once we start peeling back the layers.Communication, for example, has many layers aside from personal exchanges; operating agreements, best practices, team cohesion, organizational structure, planning, strategies and objectives, training and development as well as conflict management and problem solving. Honest feedback and constructive criticism are always "welcomed", but they are still difficult to absorb and provide. It helps to have constant or continual personal interaction, if for no other reason than to keep people connected. Mike Sardina at Societe Brewing outlines some of their practices to foster interpersonal relationships. "We have a staff appreciation day each year, and we sponsor group outings whenever possible.  We have a 'beer with a brewer' program where one of our Tasting Room staff members will go out for a beer with one of our Co-Founders or with a brewer or with me personally." Even if they engage in no shop-talk, these measures help improve interactions.Adopting and honing skills to improve intra-brewery relations, can literally be the difference between thriving and failure. This is a difficult task in no small part due to the personal introspection, criticism and learning, as those profiled have experienced.  There is no shame in admitting mistakes, ignorance or lack of skills. It just means that you're wiser than you were yesterday and can improve.  Not easy; but to quote Sun Tzu again, "…If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every battle; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles." The battle here is against the erosion of the People Ingredient.  Knowing yourself is the first step to better understand, manage and enrich your People Ingredient. And your brewery will thank you for it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Jason Gladfelter is Director of the Brewery Mediation Network and a principal at Oval Options for Conflict Management, an organization that helps business, communities, and families find better options for resolving their conflict through mediation, strategic planning, evaluation, arbitration, facilitation, coaching and training.  He has more than 20 years of experience in team leadership, management and customer relations positions through his extensive work in the retail, sales and training industries. He is a Cicerone® Beer Server, has written over 3,000 beer reviews and is a home brewer.  Jason is also working on implementing a series of Brewer Summits. Twitter @BeerMediation About Oval Options: Oval Options (www.ovaloptions.com) is a Denver-based Conflict Management and Mediation firm. We help clients find the most appropriate method for resolving disputes. Our pool of practitioners covers a wide range of industries including domestic (divorce/child custody), health care, elder care, estate, construction, community mediation, craft brewing & wine, and housing.  OvalOptions is home to Brewery Mediation Network which helps connect breweries with affordable dispute resolution methods. It handles all types of disputes, including the most noticeable (Trademarks) to the most common (partnerships).  The Network also makes available facilitation, coaching, consulting, team building and other trainings to breweries in areas including:

• Strain between owner, brewer, staff and/or investor

• Trademark disputes

• Co-worker tension and disagreements

• Brewery-Distributor relations

• Brewery-Neighbor relations

• Private/Domestic disputes of brewery employees

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse

We all face some form of conflict every day. From navigating traffic to deciding what to watch on TV after a long day. Most of these are "flash-pan" conflicts that are usually forgotten in minutes and ostensibly have no bearing on our lives.  Unfortunately, conflicts do not exist in a vacuum; many factors can affect our conflicts thereby increasing their affects on us and others. Like a snowball rolling down a mountain gathering more snow, increasing its size and momentum, a conflict can grow with the addition of several small influences until it demands attention.When conflicts arrive to this point, management, resolution, or reconciliation should be sought to prevent further damage. These efforts are reactionary, and as such (ironically) require a conflict for their application.  But what about addressing conflict situations before they gather momentum? What are those small influences that engorge a conflict?  Let's take a look at six factors that can make matters worse and what their influences can be. In doing so, we can shed some light on how you can take steps to nip conflict escalation in the bud.

1. Communication
2. Trust
3. Emotion
4. Relationship
5. Context
6. Anticipation

First up: Communication ------------------------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Relationship

If someone in traffic yells a barrage of obscenities at you, you may get angry, chalk it up to that person being a so-and-so, and go on with your day.  But if your spouse yells at you, then you may feel differently. The difference is the Relationship you have with the stranger (none) and your spouse (intimate).  The more intimate a relationship, the more personal a conflict become is to you. Those close to you can cause greater harm, and you can harm them just as much.Conflicts with those who are close can be volatile and complex, and cause long term damage.  The relationship itself can persuade people not to address problems fearing that they may hurt each other.  This is a common and understandable approach, but can ultimately be damaging.  It is important to note that all of the factors listed here intertwine, and relationships require first and foremost trust and communication.Up Next: Context  --------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Context

Even when you can recognize and manage these influences effectively, there is still the issue of Context.  We are all connected to a complex world.  Situations are rarely, if ever, independent.  Influences on situations can be large, small, obvious or covert. A customer yelling at a waiter for dropping a drink may not realize that the waiter just burned his hand on the hot plate in back. Meanwhile, the waiter may not know that the customer just received bad news about their sick grandparent. The context plays a big role in their behaviors, and the reception of the other's behavior.Sometimes there is a wrong time and place to address a conflict and no amount of communication or trust can improve it. Timing is the least tangible influence on conflict, because it's more of a feeling or intuition rather than an external signal, while place is a bit more straightforward.  A simple example would be a manager instructing an employee in front of customers. Probably not the best time or place to do that, but other situations are less obvious and more delicate.Lastly: Anticipation  -------------------

Six Factors That Can Make Matters Worse: Anticipation

Sometimes you have to wait for the appropriate opportunity to tackle a problem, and this brings up another factor that can make conflicts worse: Anticipation. That same manager knows s/he has to address the employee sometime and with each passing hour the anticipation grows. Give the mind time to imagine what can go wrong and tensions can grow.  Many times, anticipation for something is more intense than what comes to pass. Having difficult discussions is never easy, but they do not have to be paralyzing and escalating.Often we delay having such conversations out of shear dread, and this allows the problem to fester and linger.  Waiting for the appropriate time is necessary, but waiting too long can add fuel to the fire.  While there are intricacies during the conversation, the hardest part is getting the discussion started. There are other factors that can make matters worse, and they build off the six outlined here.  These may seem rather obvious and simple to keep in mind, but in the middle of an interaction they remain difficult, even for seasoned professionals.  Fortunately, this is where OvalOptions comes into play. We offer assistance with situations where the complexities seem to have the upper hand. For a free consultation, please contact us. -------------

Behind the Dialogues...

Part 2: Peace Peace: Two definitions seem worlds apart:

• the normal, nonwarring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world. (dictionary.com)
• harmony in personal relations (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Conversation, and the skills it requires, is important to peace. The first definition is incomplete if it does not include the second.  Is “non-war” peace?  For example, it is difficult to believe Syria and Israel maintain a peaceful condition just because their armies are not warring.Communication between possible belligerent nations is vital before unleashing the destructive apparatuses of war and warfare.  The United Nations is a governmental forum where nations can communicate about pressing issues as an effort to eliminate, or at least curtail, war. What about the people?Following the practices of John Paul Lederach and Harold Saunders, we believe that communication is complicated, multi-layered, fragile, and essential for peace, and begins on the personal level. Daily conversations, what we say, how we say it, the words we choose, our tone, to whom we are speaking, and the issues discussed are important in the personal realm as well as the international scene.An antagonistic conversation with someone tends to influence our overall view of that person, and others who share that person’s views.  We may conclude that someone who disagrees with us is an idiot or worse.  The idiot label taints whatever else that person, and those like them, says and does.  It takes effort to have this label removed.  Consequently, we shut down, do not listen to what people are saying, or understand their reasons.  As such, we close off the real possibility of learning something, not to mention coming across as rude (we won’t make many friends that way), and no one will listen to us.  If we ignore learning opportunities, then we fail to communicate, which is the key to overcoming disputes, and thus vital to harmony in personal relations.In today’s world, personal relations extend beyond borders. They are powerful tools for seeing that country as a non-enemy. As like us--human.  As such, we listen to them more, try to understand their perspectives, and wish to maintain or strengthen a relationship.Going from individual relational harmony to international peace may seem a stretch, but harming people we know is more difficult than harming those we do not. This starts with communication, and the skills it demands.Read Part 1 here

Resolving Disputes When Logic Collides with Emotion (Part II)

(Part II of a Three Part Series)Read Part I HereSo, how do Logical (Facts & Figures) People and Emotional (Achy/Breaky) People work with each other personally or professionally? 

• Remember that you both have different ways of looking at things, and neither is right or wrong – they’re just different. That alone will get you further down the path of resolution.  
• Pay attention to how the other side sees the issue. You don’t have to agree, but you do need to sincerely acknowledge it. Each party’s concerns/interests are his or hers; they’re not ridiculous or worthless. Respect them, though you may oppose them.

Cheat Sheet for the Facts & Figures (“F&F”) Person: 

• Stop and listen to what the other person is saying. It’s hard, but try to actually hear what the other party is saying – pretend it’s a complicated, but intriguing algorithm. Try to repeat back to her what she said (which may be difficult - be patient!). Give the conversation a chance to progress before you jump into the crux of your logistics (actual figures). Let the other person know that you can understand and respect her point of view, even if you disagree with it. “Emotion based” people need to be heard and validated – it’s everything.  
• Let your proposal breathe. Remember, an Achy/Breaky (“A/B”) person has to feel like her comments have moved you, literally and figuratively. So, your ultimate position needs to “reflect” her emotions. No need for extremes here, just don’t figure out the entire problem on your own then throw out a “take it or leave it” position. Give her interests and concerns due consideration. Engage in dialogue; allow your numbers to be flexible in light of the A/B’s emotions-based counter proposals. If you process her reasoning with the same determination as you devised your proposal, you may be pleasantly surprised at the result.  
• Stop with the “I’ll call my lawyer‼” Give the situation a chance; listen, dialogue, validate the other side’s reasoning, if not her offer. If resolution is impossible, then tell her what your next move is – (especially since you have already calculated the win/loss ratio) – don’t waste threats. Threats intimidate an Achy/Breaky person (it’s personal, not just business), and ruin any chance to informally resolve the dispute. Threatening to go to court is a “be careful what you wish for” kind of problem – what you may get from a judge could be far worse than what you might have gotten by continuing informal dialogue. Clinging to your facts and figures may ultimately cost you much more money, time, and energy. Finally, when Achy/Breaky threatens to go to court, don’t recalibrate. Until she really does, you still have a chance to resolve the conflict. Remember, A/B’s deal in emotions – hitting the panic button is reflexive. Whatever emotion they are communicating is most likely a knee jerk reaction to the “logic” you have tossed onto the negotiating table. Inhale…Exhale...Repeat.

In the final section, we offer suggestions for the Achy/Breaky Person to positively engage in disputes with Facts & Figures People.Contiue to Part III: Cheet Sheet for Achy/Breaky People

Resolving Disputes When Logic Collides with Emotion

(Part I of a Three Part Series)We’ve all seen the ad: the stunning model snuggled up to the nerdy, disheveled genius – and we giggle at the dichotomy. But when we deal with conflict between those of us who are “logical” and those of us who are “emotional,” it’s no laughing matter. (For this discussion, let’s focus on the stereotypically obvious, though either gender can have one or both personality traits.)“Facts & Figures” People (“F&F”) revels in his verifiable, tangible data. For him, emotion is secondary; he’s tabulated the correct value of the inheritance, quantified the relevant ratios of a business deal, or the tax ramifications of taking the house in a divorce. To him, his calculations are irrefutable; to question his numbers is to question his integrity, to disrespect his intelligence.“Achy/Breaky’” People (“A/B”) on the other hand, are emotional - feelings based; the numbers be damned – the issue is what’s right or what’s fair. To her, the house isn’t an “asset” – it’s home, pseudosacred – an integral part of her world. To award the house to the other spouse or to suggest its sale is an outrage – it’s wrong. To reject an A/B person’s proposal is to reject her (or him). Usually, the A/B person’s demand is unreasonably high – and I guarantee it’s outside the scope of what F&F has considered. This is because the numbers don’t really matter: it’s what she feels she is owed – at least in her opinion.The problem arises when these two people must interact – as a couple, co-workers, or as employer/employee. Facts & Figures people don’t have time for emotional silliness. They know that in a business deal, workplace dispute or lawsuit, somebody pays or gets paid; they’ve figured out their chances of success or failure, and just want to get on with the business of the bottom line – which means - the numbers that they have already crunched; end of discussion.Achy/Breaky people on the other hand, aren’t sure what they want as a conflict outcome – it depends upon how they feel at the moment: if they’ve been cut out of the will, they feel abandoned, insecure – so, they feel entitled to what whatever they need. If their spouse left them for another, they may be angry and frightened for their financial future. They deserve to be justly compensated for the years of selfless devotion to that miserable soon-to-be ex-spouse. If the boss has given someone else the profitable new project, the A/B person needs vindication. Think of it as “comfort resolution,” – kind of like a warm gooey brownie and a glass of milk at 10pm…In part II, we offer suggestions for the Facts and Figures Person to move forward productively in a dispute with an Achy/Breaky person.Continue to Part II: Cheet Sheet for Facts and Figures Person